Tuesday, 19 June 2007

The Times, They are a Changing

Most people talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. Not me. I’m caught between a marshmallow and a pillow – and it’s suffocating.

It’s not that I’m in dire straits, I’m just a little lost at sea at the moment. I can continue working in a job that doesn’t interest me, that once held a great deal of passion for me – but no longer. I no longer feel the desire to spend a lot of my time with people I don’t like, getting paid a little amount of money, to do something that I find truly fascinating. I also don’t feel confident enough to move on and start something new at the moment.

Although the Catholics voted it out, I am well and truly in a limbo of sorts – but one in which I can’t help but notice that time isn’t standing still.

As it does, the dilemma is there, but it just doesn’t seem that bad – at least not as bad as it could be. So, here I am, marshmallow and pillow.

There has been a lot of talk about where the Monkey Pipe’s are going to be living in the next year. What sounds like a no-brainer is currently being discussed, but the fact remains that with me unsure of what I want to do, and Mrs. Pipe unhappy with the job she has at the moment, it looks more and more likely that the Pipe’s are off, heading to climates new – to a place where at least Mrs. Pipe can do a job she likes and which makes her happy, and I can work out what it is I want to do when I grow up.

The worst thing is that I often find my chest tightening with the fear that I will never grow up. I often feel a little but like an immature boy trapped in a man’s body, a body that is increasingly feeling it’s age. So why does my mind feel so far removed from where I’m at? Why do I feel like I’ll never be responsible? Are these just the things that one feels when one has the luxury of time to think about these things?

Maybe I’ll grow out of it…

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