Tuesday, 4 September 2007

Sono et sonogram

So yesterday was a key day in the Monkey Pipe household. It was the 12-week scan. Yep, that’s right, Mrs Pipe is with child. As secrets go, keeping a pregnancy quiet for almost three months was both cruel (Mrs Pipe is a terrible secret keeper) and unusual. Not so bad for me, what with work and avoiding people/maintaining my evasive, disinterested and aloof manner while with friends of the Pipes.

Now the secret is out, and I find myself struggling from the off to not fear the worst at every turn – something I think bodes badly for my new career as father. Neurosis of a frightening degree has presented itself, perhaps not aided by the process of the sonogram – a check that you are repeated told is in place to determine what chance you have of having a Down’s syndrome baby. As the baby avoided the scan, squirming around like a little dancer, flipping onto it’s head, dropping into yogic poses, we passed through it’s whole body having blobs and shades pointed out as the brain, insides, bones, feet etc etc.

“Oh look, there’s its heart!” the Sonographer announced.

“Perhaps it’s like a magic eye painting.” I thought, going cross-eyed. But the (Mrs Pipe dubbed) Rabbit had shifted and dodged the camera before my brain could adjust my vision to the middle distance.

Back to the Neurosis. We left the hospital, the Rabbit healthy and looking good. I worried that every person we passed might knock into, punch, stab, shoot, who knows what Mrs Pipe! My brain has suddenly become the imaginative equivalent of an over-weight, gentile Woody Allen reading the Daily Mail! It went on – what if that car coming towards us hits the curb and smashes into us? What if that lamppost falls onto us?

Is this how it’s going to be from now on?

On the plus side I did wake up this morning very early, watched the sun come up and looked at the sonogram of the Rabbit – alive, well, safe and sound, tucked up inside Mrs Pipe.

“I’m going to be a dad!” I thought.

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