Sunday, 16 November 2014

Why Am I Still Making Plans When I Don't Know What The Future Holds?

My day job found itself getting cut short.

It may be a sign of the end, a may be a sign of the nature of that particular beast changing with the times.

Fact is, I'm now ending that particular project around six weeks earlier than originally thought.

One of the artists I am working with is finding themselves in a tough time, personally and nationally, and may have to hang up their inking tools. A real shame, not just because I love the work that they are doing, but because it breaks my heart that someone cannot afford to do the thing they want to do because of political reasons beyond their control.

The world needs artists.

The world needs art.

I have various bouts of existential insecurity when it comes to comics - I have no real plan to go beyond making my own comics, but it's tough to justify the costs when the return has been so consistently below par. I don't seem to be making much headway in my own, restricted goals. Is there any reason to go on? Maybe I'm not actually any good at any of this? Should I just focus on my day job, where at least I can get a sense of moving on, possibly upwards?

Not a day goes by when I don't think about ending the whole adventure, but in that same day I think about a new idea I'd love to try.

I feel like I'd be a fool to not at least finish the hanging threads of stories I have on the go.

I look at the cost of finishing it all, and feel saddened by the weight of that number, and think about where that money would be better served.

All very wonderfully depressing and self centered I know.

In the meantime I received Rafer Robert's Nightmare the Rat the other day - a newsprint comic I'd backed on Kickstarter (I'm a huge fan of Robert's work, and urge you to check it out)

It really got me thinking about one of the micro Kickstarter's I'd like to do - the Black Wraith one shot - and how fun it would be to do it as a newspaper - really tying into my sense of the disposability of comics, and the pulp nature of the character.

I've started to look at costs, and will report when I have more.

I'm also tempted to do a couple of little prose novellas featuring the Black Wraith - perhaps as ebooks.

Something else to wonder about doing while I wonder if I should be doing what I'm doing.


1 comment:

Walter Ostlie said...

I have the same thoughts every day. I am a artist and comic creator. It is back breaking and often thankless task which we given ourselves. We don't have to do it, sometimes we don't even want to do it.

I have a great 9to5 job that pays all my bills. Sometimes I feel like I should be putting my growth until my job and get better that that.

However, when I think I am ready to leave, I always find a way to pull myself back in. Maybe just do quicker art, no colors, don't worry so much about it being perfect. Just tell the story and have fun.

It's a constant argument that rages in my head.

All I can say is that no choice would be wrong. 'What could be...' is such a siren song but it doesn't mean it is wrong to listen.